1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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