your thong is hanging out like whoa
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
