Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
