ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
