i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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