elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
