dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
