haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
