so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
