hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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