you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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