I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
