I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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