did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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