Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
