Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize