i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
