they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
