Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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