One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
