So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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