Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
