I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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