I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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