sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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