I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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