I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
