I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
