I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You ruined the universe
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
