I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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