And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
