Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
