I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
