I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
