Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
