Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
