ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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