i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
