sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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