I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
