ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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