I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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