had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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