i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
where are you?
Hypothermia
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
