It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
