he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
