you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
