So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize