talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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