I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
