Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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