I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
