The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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