After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
