a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
