like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
