i'm signing you up for texting rehab
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize