Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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