Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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