I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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