Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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