i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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