There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
