i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
